Everybody as a human has a time to get matured. Born as a kid, we never get a chance to decide until age forces us to live in independence. Till then we all would have lived by the decisions of our parents and guardians. When life puts us into a situation like Robert Frost says in his “Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood“, we have a decision to take which can never be returned back. Do we really take time to choose the best? Did we analyze the paths? Whether it was already taken by someone we know? What are the consequences each path holds on to? Most of us don’t ask these questions or we ask these questions but choose the wrong answers.
This post has been written with a metaphor of an old man’s experience embedded inside a teen. Just like mutual funds and deposits yielding better returns if investment starts in early stages of life, maturity if engulfed in early ages can return a fruitful future.
Aspects of Maturity – Bulldog & Pug
Maturity does not happen all of a sudden and being matured depends on the subject under consideration. It is impractical to be proficiently mature in all the areas of our life. Some people make mature decisions about their financial management but personally they might be a misanthrope or care less about growing kids or their studies. Matured human as a whole is tough to be conquered but it may not be necessary as well to be matured in everything. In every aspects of life, we can choose the key areas that decide our well being, validate our maturity scale so as to improve accordingly. By Well Being, I mean everything, right from family, friends, social interactions and the career lifestyle. To a normal person like me having a 9 to 6 work cycle, I choose to be matured about work life balance, shifting jobs, a treat out-of-work hours, monthly expenses, savings for future + emergency, insurance etc. Same lies with my wife. We choose to make mature decisions which can affects us in short term and long term. To a businessman, things to consider can be totally different on an official front but personally it can still correlate with other humans.
Among Aspects and Within Aspects – Egg Vs Egg, Egg Vs Yolk
While the aspects are different, measure of maturity within the aspect can also depend on individuals. I like to spend out-of-work hours efficiently by waking up early in the morning and reading books in the evening without compromising quality time with family. It might look challenging but definitely doable as I am already doing it. To others, out-of-work hours can be to gym for 1 hour, preparing for interviews, etc. We all have these measures but do we actually follow them? That is a different topic but let us assume we do what we think to do.
Even within the individual, maturity keeps changing based on lifestyle. Shifting jobs during early years of experience looks possible and easy but as the experience increases, we tend to stick to one organization but jump up the ladder.
When did I decide to behave Mature? – The Bell Rings
While this is absent in many, It is still a magic in my case about me realizing my immaturity. I cannot tell exactly about my past knock but I watch my circle and their life paths. I am a keen observant. I watch others’ life decisions and outcomes. One guy chose to become an entrepreneur without any idea in mind but to somehow earn money, life became aberrant. Another guy chose to shift his job after a high attrition rate in his firm, landed in high paying job with bad work life balance. His health deteriorated and joined back in his old firm. I can cite a lot of other examples. In all such scenarios, they either made a quick decision without background work or followed other people’s paths. These social observations led to refining the ideologies of my life. While most of the time I am thrown with wrong decision examples, I do get sights of wonderful people achieving their life goals. They might seem to be struggling in the beginning or fouling their life by making wrong decisions. But the mindset they possess helps them to not lose hope and progress with the right agility. They understand their path is full of stones but then they decide to fly. If we try to find the routine of those people, they either wake up at 5 AM or read a hell lot of books. Ultimately it is their mindset they have shaped through their routines.
So all these happened during my initial work years. I work as a customer interface guy, understanding their expectations and transforming into requirements so that software team can understand and implement them right. On both sides, I have to really understand the thought process of minds. If customer has everything clear, my effort will be less. If expectation is clear but not detailed, I may have to understand the intent and get into meetings to get them clarified. On the other side, I have to draft them into understandable requirements so that there is no ambiguity. These skills worked in tandem with empathy in understanding people more than others. If I don’t understand people, I will be writing requirements about sea horse while the customer is expecting a 4 legged horse.
How did I get to know about aspects other than my observation outcomes? – Learn from everything
We all have different ways of learning about maturity. Some read self help books which is a great source of realization. I do read books but I spend most of my time reading motivational quotes on Instagram and Twitter. I share them as well if I come across truly inspiring content. Sometimes the inspirational quote, as they say, does not seem inspiring to me. Quotes should throw our mind into a different dimension to think, help us compare our present with the intent of the quote and make us realize the wrong doings we have been committing. But the majority of the quotes I read have the same intent even if the words are put differently. I ignore such quotes and search for really intimidating content. Over time, the algorithm of Instagram and Twitter understood my expectation that I get fed only by motivational posts that were matching my expectation from a quote. It happened one day that I could not ignore posts and started to like every quote I was finding on my way. That is how I got inspired by an IFS officer by her tweets on Twitter, which I captured in one of my previous post.
Soon I was able to implement them as well. I read a quote about ignoring negativity and some guy known to offend people throws a reply to my Whatsapp status with negative comments. I replied to him with a thumbs up emoji and he does not reply thereafter.
How to Cultivate Maturity? – From Seed to Rice
First step will be to accept reality. Self help books or motivational quotes are written to improve the human traits and not to false the reality. You read a book or quote, but if you don’t agree what was told is right, there is a wrong with your acceptance of life. Either you hate the content or you interpret with a wrong schema. In that case, choose the right book that agrees with your intuition.
Check out my recent post on Instagram below. What does your mind tell about it? Do you agree with the intent? Does it really motivate you? Or your mind says you can stop the wave somehow and quote is baseless? I assume majority of you agree with the quote. If the quote gets accepted as true and verbatim to expectation, it will be the first step to appreciate about maturity.
But does this quote agree with your real life? Though the quote is valid, does it match with your life incidents?
Have you been in situations where you felt tough but you gave away just because you could not cope with it? Later you would have realized the mistake of giving it away. After reading this quote you might forgive the past but you will ensure it does not repeat again. If this kind of mindset strikes your head on reading this quote, you have jumped to the next step of realizing maturity. Your mind accepts this and agrees to adapt your life. If you have not faced such a situation yet, either you are already matured or don’t care about surfing.
How to sustain Maturity? – Hold the breath
Two steps I mentioned previously could help in validating your maturity. How can I decide if I am put into a situation that is not mentioned anywhere in the books or quotes or not observed before? Or I stopped reading book or quotes (Don’t worry, It can never happen once you start reading)? There comes the test of reality again. In college days we used to read the syllabus portion of the curriculum and ignore the unattended areas. When we sit in the exam hall and look at the questions asked, most of them would be from out of the syllabus. But to the topper it is always from the syllabus but asked differently. Maturity ideas we learn from readable sources are the template of actuals. Drawing artists can only be taught about visualizing a picture as geometric shapes, but then it is left to the individual to convert any shape into spheres and rectangles. That is how life lessons are to be learnt.
All the words I have told till now might seem poetic or fictional. When you actually implement them, you will embrace your maturity.
Final notes – Practise makes
perfect a habit
As I progressed through this practise of reading books and quotes, I started to acknowledge most of the content that was said. If all the quotes we read align with our behavior (it will happen if you follow this practise), we can proudly define ourselves as matured to the extent required.
Thanks for your time.
Feel free to comment about this post so that I can rectify my understanding about maturity if there is a gap. After all life is about redefining the actions to suit the purpose of life.
Check out my other posts which can add a perspective to your thinking. Do follow my blog if your mind and heart goes for it:-)